National Breastfeeding Celebration Week

This week (18th – 27th June 2016) is National Breastfeeding Celebration Week. In light of this, I wanted to post to say a massive well done to all the breast feeding mummies out there. It is not easy to breastfeed your child. It is not easy to persevere when you are exhausted and your baby cluster feeds for hours at a time. It is not easy to keep going when your baby wakes four times in the night and you have to be the one to get up. It is not easy to keep going when you have mastitis or your baby grows teeth or you feel really unwell.

It is easy, however, to say ‘well done’ and to give encouragement to all those ladies you know who are breastfeeding their children. It is easy to offer them a drink or a snack and to make them comfortable when they are feeding in your company. It is easy to accept their choice and not to judge.

I feel incredibly blessed that my breastfeeding journey has not been too challenging. Friends of mine have struggled with lactation issues, supply, latching, mastitis, blocked ducts etc. I feel happy that the challenges I have faced have been more emotional than physical – although this also required the energy to choose to persevere. However, only having emotional challenges has meant that I have not been confronted with medical professionals advising me to give up.

I respect every parent’s right to make her own decision and choice  about how to feed her child. I will never judge someone for choosing formula-feeding over breast-feeding. This post is simply a celebration for those who have chosen the more challenging route; this is about saying well done and keep going!

When I was pregnant, I did the research and knew that breast milk would be the healthiest option for my baby. I was aiming to try it but thought I would probably stop after 6 months (before returning to work). Now – seven months in – I am continuing to breast-feed despite returning to work in a few weeks. I LOVE feeding him. I LOVE the bond it has created and the cuddles and closeness. I LOVE that he has grown so well because of my milk. I LOVE that he enjoys it. I LOVE that my husband and family have been so supportive of it. I LOVE that we have found a way to try to make it work for me to feed him despite returning to full-time work.

 

I will finish with some things I wish I had known before I started feeding…

1. At the beginning your nipples will be really sore. Pack lanolin cream in your hospital bag. This will only last a week or two.
2. The hospital midwives are happy to help you. Don’t feel embarrassed about having your boob totally out – they see hundreds of them! They are there to help and won’t actually let you leave until you feel confident getting a good latch.
3. After about 3-4 days your milk will come in. This feels really odd and can hurt.
4. When your boobs are really full they become really solid and lumpy and heavy. This is normal. If you need to relieve this, expressing is great. Alternatively, leaning over hot water (steam) and gently hand expressing or massaging will bring relief.
5. When your baby feeds on one side, you will leak milk from the other.
6. If you hear a crying baby – whether he is yours or not – you will leak milk.
7. Buy breast pads!
8. Cluster feeding is a real thing. Your baby will feed for hours together. This is NORMAL. This is not because your milk is not good enough. They do not need a bottle of formula. They are building up your supply to meet your needs. Yes, it is exhausting but it only lasts a little while. Relax and enjoy the cuddles if you can.
9. Breast-fed babies do sleep for shorter periods than formula-fed babies AT THE BEGINNING. It does get better.
10. Breastfeeding in public is not as scary as it seems at first. You can barely see anything, most people are supportive and it’s a great excuse for a cake stop!
11. There are great support groups online. Find them. Join them. (CIBII – UK is a very helpful one for finding bf friendly outfits).
12. Breastfeeding burns about 500 calories per day. That’s extra yummy chocolate, cake and treats! P.S. Your body will put all the nutrients into your milk that baby needs regardless of the junk your eat, so don’t worry!

Happy breastfeeding week!

In Search of a Rainbow

Recently, a friend of mine posted this message on Facebook…

A baby born after a miscarriage or loss of a baby is referred to as a Rainbow baby. Today we remember all babies born sleeping, or we’ve carried but never met, those we’ve held but couldn’t take home, the ones that came home but didn’t stay. Make this your profile status if you or someone you know has suffered the loss of a baby. The majority won’t do it, because unlike cancer, miscarriage, still birth and sids is still a taboo subject. Break the silence. In memory of all angels too perfect for earth ❤😇 and all the babies that are born sleeping or don’t make it home. Hold finger down and copy and paste do not share!

It makes me sad that this type of thing is a taboo subject among many people. I definitely understand this – it is a painful time and for many people there is a huge feeling of shame and guilt. Having been through this loss, however, I feel like it could have been made easier if people were more willing to share. I am sharing our story in the hope that someone will take comfort from it and know that they are not alone.

Be warned that it is a long one!

One for mummy and one for baby

In the last couple of weeks, I have tried a couple of new mummy and baby friendly activities and groups. They have both been great!

FAMILY FIT

https://www.facebook.com/Family-FIT-1467867216836780/?fref=ts

This is an exercise class that you can bring your baby along to -great fun and relaxed. After the first session, I felt like a human being again; I felt motivated to lose the last 12lbs of baby weight that I have enjoyed feeding with chocolate and cake over the last five months. I feel like if it hasn’t shifted in that time, I can no longer call that mid-afternoon chocolate snack ‘breastfeeding calories’ and instead must get off my over-sized bottom and work it off. Despite aching for a full 48 hours after the first session and remembering that there are muscles in my bottom underneath all the wobbly stuff, I felt so good afterwards. I even managed to skip the unhealthy snacks for a day or two (don’t worry – it didn’t last) because I felt so positive and virtuous!

The second session was much easier – I loved the fact that even though my little one was a little more cranky this week, no one minded. It was totally fine to sit out for a few minutes to feed him and comfort him. This is a great class for me to feel good and still be a safe place to bring baba.

*no photographs for this one – would be highly unattractive sweaty mummy pics*

CREATION STATION: BABY EXPLORERS

https://www.facebook.com/The-Creation-Station-Kent-Faversham-859104677488650/?fref=ts

We attended the first session of the term on Friday and had so much fun. I had read and seen good reviews about this group online and thought I would give it a try. I find it difficult to embrace mess and I hate the feeling of being dirty, so I really had to be brave when letting our little one loose in this class.

We started by suiting them up – to protect their clothes. As baba LOVES putting everything in his mouth, I started to worry that he would soon be poisoning himself. I was reassured that it was perfectly harmless for the babies to eat the paint – which they frequently did! Bizarrely, this did actually reassure me. We then got to explore some different textures and objects in the ‘discovery bag’ which was fun – a new way to encourage tummy time. As everyone then moved on to the painting section of the session, we hung back for a few minutes. This was mostly due to my reservations: I needed to see how the other babies responded to this first. After watching the others gleefully crawling and laying in paint, rolling balls around in it and happily licking it off their hands, I grew brave enough to allow baba to sit in the paint, lay in the paint and to encourage him to play.

Not only was I rewarded by his fascination and excitement, big smiles and giggles, but he also sat unsupported for the first time for any significant period of time. He impressed all of us with his strength and balance.

I would definitely recommend this one!

Some pics from our class and that all-important sitting milestone captured on camera for Daddy…

Celebration NOT Competition

One of the biggest surprises of parenthood has been the competitiveness between parents. Who has the cutest child? Whose child is the smartest? When did he first smile/laugh/roll/crawl/walk?

When I take a step back from this, I can see how ridiculous it is. We do not need to compete over this! As an adult, does it matter whether I first smiled at 4 weeks or 6 weeks!? Of course not! So why, as parents, do we get so competitive about this!

The Best Sounds

“When the first baby laughed for the first time, its laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies.”

Peter Pan – JM Barrie

I love this quote. I love the idea that happiness could be linked with something magical – something other. If you have heard a baby laugh, you will know that it truly is one of the most amazing sounds ever. It feels possible to me that it really could have birthed a thousand fairies!

So my baba has been a smiley baby since he could smile. He LOVES smiling! It’s been an almost permanent expression for him since about five weeks old. At about ten weeks, this started to become a laugh – which has been lovely. But, this week, that laugh has become a proper belly laugh and giggle. It is the most amazing sound I have ever heard. He sounds so incredibly happy. You cannot help but laugh too – and, in my case, shed an overly-emotional tear!

One of my favourite sounds ever!

 

Dear Mum…

As today is Mother’s Day, I would like to honour my mum for all that she did for me and all the things I never realised she did, never appreciated and – in some cases – was totally unaware of until I became a mother myself.

Before the moment when an adorable, tiny bundle of cuteness was placed in my arms, I never knew the capacity a person has to love. I never knew how it was possible to love a person with your whole heart, body and soul: to hurt when they hurt, to laugh when they laugh. I love my mum, my amazing family and my wonderful husband – but the love you have for a child is like no other. It is so strong, so all-consuming, that it is almost a physical hurt.

When I was expecting baba, I remember being worried that the relationship between my husband and I would change – perhaps weaken – when the baby arrived. I thought that the love I had would need to be shared. I was wrong. Instead, the capacity you have to love expands to include this new person, and, not only does the love you have for your child overwhelm you by its strength, but I have also found that the capacity I have to love others has also grown. Always having been quite emotional anyway, I find that since becoming a mummy, my eyes are always brimming with tears! So, Mum, I am sorry for the times that I mocked you for crying over adverts and gifts – I get it now! I LOVE that you cry over these things because you learnt to love and care more when you became my mum.

I have written before about the fear, the worry and anxiety I feel as a mum – the panic that I will make many mistakes. I know that I am not alone in this – that it is a norm for most mums. This desire to do everything perfectly for my son is so strong because I love him. I want him to be happy -to be safe. This is true to such an extent that when he cries, I cry. If he hurts, I hurt. This is something I never knew, Mum – that when something hurt me, it hurt you too. Thank you for comforting me, for trying to protect me and for those times when you were hugely brave and let me get hurt so I could learn. I now realise just how hard that must have been.

This year, for Mother’s Day, I collected thirty quotes about being a mum and grandma and put them in a jar for my mum to read each day for a month. One of these quotes is this…

“Making the decision to have a child – it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”

This metaphor is so true. I have never felt so vulnerable, so afraid since becoming a mum; I feel as vulnerable as if my heart was literally outside my body – as if my emotions are exposed for all to see – everyone knows exactly how to hurt me most. This vulnerability and fear leads to the most enormous bravery. Who knew mums were so brave? Mum, thank you for your courage.

Being a mum is hard work – but it is also the most incredible, rewarding and beautiful thing. I am so thankful for my mum: how she raised me; the example that she set; the love she has shown me everyday of my life; the hurt she let me learn from; the mistakes she made that brought us closer together and the advice she has given me. Mum, thank you. Please don’t go anywhere as I am just beginning the hardest thing I have ever done – be a good mother.

 

 

30 before 30… Challenges

This July I will turn thirty. To celebrate this milestone, I have decided to set myself thirty challenges to try to accomplish over the next few months before my birthday. They are a strange mix of things and I will aim to share my progress and adventures as I attempt these with a baby in tow!

1. Make a new friend
2. Do something kind for a stranger
3. Bake something new
4. Cook something I have never cooked before
5. Try a food that I have never eaten
6. Host a dinner party
7. Do something for charity
8. Explore a local walking route not walked before
9. Watch a film chosen by my husband (he thinks I haven’t watched the good films)
10. Learn a new skill
11. Make a homemade gift for someone
12. Read something by an unfamiliar author
13. Read a classic not yet read
14. Write and send a hand-written letter to someone
15. Learn to ride a bike
16. Learn to whistle
17. Write a letter to my future self
18. Write a letter to my son for his wedding day
19. Start scrapbooking again
20. Thank someone from the past who had a big impact on me
21. Create a will
22. Explore/visit a local attraction not visited before
23. See a show
24. Plant something
25. Take photographs and actually create an album
26. Relearn basic sign language
27. Have a girlie night
28. Watch a sunset
29. Write a poem
30. Swim in the sea

A Week of Firsts and Some Things I Wish I Had Known

This week has been a week of various “firsts” for hubby, baba and I…

First shared bath

Since we first started bathing him, our gorgeous boy has always enjoyed his baths. However, a couple of weeks ago they seemed to be upsetting him, so we tried some new things. Last Sunday we tried a bath with Daddy. He loved it and it made bath time fun again. We then decided to make bath time part of fun ‘awake’ time, instead of part of his bedtime routine. As such, this week, baths have been made fun again.

What I wish someone had told me… Bath time does not have to be part of baby’s bedtime routine – it can be something fun and it can be playtime.

Here he is enjoying the bath…

First week in his new room

Last weekend we also moved our little one into his own room. We were really nervous about doing this and were concerned it would upset the good sleeping habits he had been getting into. We decided to keep him in his Moses basket, but to place this in his cot. We set up a slightly different bedtime routine (considering the bath knowledge) and prayed for some good nights. Amazingly, he has settled really well and has done some brilliant sleeping this week. We had a few earlier mornings and one night where he woke frequently, but on the whole he has slept fantastically well – he has even started napping in his room!

What I wish someone had told me… Move baby into his own room when it is the right time for you. Yes, the advice is six months, but you know your child. Make your decision without judgement.

First meal out (coinciding with first full day family outing)

As this has been half term week, Hubby has been off work. This has given us lots of opportunity to try new things. One of these was meeting some friends for a fun day out. This involved a pleasant walk around a nature reserve and animal centre as well as lunch out. It was also an hour and a half drive to get there. We survived the day! Feeds in the car when we arrived and before we left, as well as a lunch time feed in the restaurant, kept little one happy. I was a little nervous about feeding in such a public location – or possibly having to feed in the cold (it was only about 4 degrees) – but it actually was totally fine! This meal was so easy, we did it again a few days later.

What I wish someone had told me… Feeding in public won’t be nearly as difficult or embarrassing as you might imagine; you will be far more concerned about caring for your baby than about what people might think or see!

He loved driving the car with daddy…

First date (or for baba… first afternoon without mummy)

We also decided that this week would be a prime time to attempt a first date. So, leaving baba with his auntie and uncle, we went out for lunch and to the cinema. We left him for about five and a half hours. It felt so odd for me to be out without him: I felt like I was missing something the whole time (to the point where I ended up slightly hugging my coat in the cinema). Nevertheless, it was great to re-connect with hubby – and to see Star Wars, of course! Baba has done brilliantly well adapting to switching between expressed milk from the bottle and the breast; this is something I am very grateful for. He thoroughly enjoyed his time with his auntie and uncle, who doted on him all afternoon. I now feel so much more relaxed about leaving him if I need to.

What I wish someone had told me… Do not feel guilty for needing time for yourself. Your marriage is hugely important. Make time for it. Make time for your husband. Have fun!

Having fun with his auntie and uncle…

 

So, as we are now at the end of half term week, and daddy is returning to work tomorrow, I will endeavour to be braver and more adventurous and to continue to try new things.

This week’s adventures will include: baby massage and our first evening out.

Do the flowers ever grow in the places it don’t rain?

On Friday afternoon, my gorgeous boy and I met my wonderful hubby after work and we headed over for a swim with my dad. It was a fun afternoon and little one is now loving the water – he seemed so relaxed in the pool; it was great.

Hubby, as a Good Charlotte fan, had put on an album on the way over and the song ‘Let the Music Play’ came on. He pointed out the above lyric to me and it really made me think…

A flower – something beautiful – can only grow and flourish when it receives rain – tears, sadness, difficult times – as well as sunshine (happiness).

I have pondered over this for the last day or two, and I have realised just how true this really is.

As a teacher, I see this realised day-to-day. Anyone who has worked in schools will know the highs and lows that the job presents: the breakthrough moment when that concept just ‘clicks’ with a student who has struggled with it; that lesson when something that you have prepared for hours is successful; when that student – the one who has misbehaved in every class – says “thanks for the lesson, Miss”. These are the highs. They feel amazing, but they do not come without the tears, the frustration – the “rain”.

Before my husband and I made the decision to start a family, these moments felt like the hardest things ever. Every teacher will be able to sympathise with the feeling of utter hopelessness you experience as a trainee or newly-qualified teacher: you have tried every strategy in your arsenal, spent hours planning and your weekend marking books, yet your class still seem to have a complete lack of respect for you. I can honestly say, that no matter how difficult these moments were, seeing those breakthroughs was worth all the trouble.

In starting a family the highs and lows became so much more poignant.

A lie we’re all guilty of?

“I’m fine.”

How many times have we all said this? Hundreds probably.

And how many times have we really meant it? I’m guessing a lot less!

I know that for me, it is almost an automatic response: I don’t even think about the real answer. As British people we are all ingrained with the politeness gene – we do not voice our problems in public. So, honesty, despite how much we may value it, ends up coming second to the auto-pilot, polite “I’m fine” response. Whether it’s because we don’t want to worry people, we assume that the other party isn’t really interested, or we don’t want to look bad/weak/like a failure, we continually use this as a fall-back reply instead of being honest. What I have noticed, since becoming a parent, is that I really feel like I am lying every time I say this.

Since the birth of my son I have been asked the dreaded, “how are you doing?” question numerous times. Friends, family, healthcare professionals and even random strangers have all asked me how I am coping with parenthood. The reply I have given 95% of the time: “I’m fine.” The other 5% is usually a summarised, watered-down version of what I really feel too.

What I want to say is this…